Butterfly Kisses
by SuperNatural1985
Summary: Antonio recounts different stages of Nick's life as he grows up.


I own nothing except some original characters I sometimes bring in. Kelley Armstrong owns The Otherworld and all the wonderful information there.

Butterfly Kisses - Part 1

3 Months

Wind whistled through the pine forest and a small and steady drizzle formed as I stood on Stonehaven's front steps frozen in the midst of my next move. I had pondered the same question over and over for weeks now. Was I doing the right thing? Would my son be safe and would he miss having me as a father if I chose to stay away and become a mutt? Would Dominic raise my boy right? Would I be able to stay away from Nick?

"Antonio," a familiar voice said softly. I looked up to see my best friend. Jeremy stood in the doorway. He must have opened the door while I was lost in my thoughts. He was 2 years my junior and had just turned 15. The first thing I noticed was that he was starting to gain some muscle and grow out of the awkward young boy stage. I smiled as I looked at him, I had missed him the most of all. I could deal with running alone, I could deal with being away from my brothers and my father but being away from Jeremy was hell. We'd been together since he was born.

"Is that him?" Jeremy asked. He stepped out further onto the porch and noticed the rain. He looked at me calmly and gestured for us to go in opening the door wider and shutting it when we were through.

"The rain might make him sick," he said and I nodded my agreement. I had no idea how to take care of a baby, or what babies needed or wanted, but common sense said rain was bad for a baby, especially one only a few months old.

"Meet Nicholas Antonio Sorrentino," I said proudly. I lifted the blanket from the boy's face. Big brown eyes darted around taking in the room and finally focusing on Jeremy. Jeremy smiled and reached over brushing a lock of brown hair off my son's forehead. Nick grabbed Jeremy's finger instantly and pulled making a gurgling noise.

"He's beautiful Tonio, amazing," Jeremy said and grinned. Usually Jeremy's emotions didn't extend past a twitch of the lip for a smile and of the eyebrow for frustration or anger, but when Jeremy was really happy he smiled a full smile.

"I know," I answered looking at the tiny boy and feeling a stab of pain for what I had done to his mother. I loved Nick's mother dearly and that is why I had to leave. I couldn't keep my secret from her anymore and to let her in on it meant she was a risk for the pack. I had no doubt a pack member would kill her under my father's orders or not. I left giving her some money and a poor explanation and taking our son with me. If Nick had been a girl I would have left him but pack law dictates that all boys will be taken and raised in the pack.

"Nicholas," Jeremy said. The boy's eyes darted to him again and then away as another figure appeared in the doorway. For a second I stiffened thinking it was Malcolm. He was never coming near my baby.

"Edward," I said nodding to the old man in respect. Jeremy's grandfather had done the majority of the raising when it came to Jeremy but his father Malcolm had certainly left gaping scars on him as well.

"Is that the little Sorrentino?" Edward asked and I nodded. Baby's were always a welcome addition in the pack as they meant future fighters and loyal members.

"Yes, Edward this is Nicholas Antonio," I introduced. I held out the baby to him. He reached for him and pulled him carefully into his arm testing the boy's weight. Nick made a gurgling sound again as I turned to Jeremy.

"I need a favour," I said immediately to my best friend who regarded me like he knew what I was going to ask and he didn't like it.

"Study," he said before I could speak again. I nodded following him down the hall and leaving Edward to fuss over Nick. Jeremy went through the door first and I followed in our usual manner, him going in and sitting in his favourite arm chair and me splaying out on the couch across from him.

"Antonio, don't ask me to do this," Jeremy said quietly setting his elbows on his lap and his chin in his folded hands. I felt bad because Jeremy was really just a kid. I was putting so much responsibility on him, but Jeremy had never really acted like a child a day in his life.

"Jer please, I need you to take Nick to Dominic. He needs to be raised in the pack. I refuse to make my son a mutt," I told Jeremy. One of the best things about Jeremy was that since he was a little boy he has had the ability to be totally serious, even as a toddler he was more serious than playful most of the time. Don't get me wrong somewhere within Jeremy was a wild imagination and the ability to create worlds around himself in which to play but being around his father had made him weary and on his guard to often to indulge in fantasy as a child growing up.

"I know what you're asking of me Tonio but you can't leave. You need to be in the pack as much as Nick does. Dominic will forgive you please come back to the pack," Jeremy said but I shook my head.

"I'm not sure I belong with the pack right now. I need to go out on my own for a while Jeremy please understand," I asked him. He regarded me with storm clouds in his eyes but he said nothing as we sat in silence.

"Let him go Jeremy, if we force him to stay he'll never be able to get past this," Edward said getting his input in as he came to stand in the study doorway. My son's little hands were making fists as he grasped for imaginary things around him.

"Stay here instead," Jeremy said but I shook my head getting up now. I needed to leave as soon as possible. This was hard enough already. I walked across the floor and took my son from Edward looking down at his olive toned skin, curious brown eyes and mop of brown curls. I needed to memorize every detail of my son's face before I left him with the pack. If I didn't see him again until he was adult I wanted to know it was my son right away.

"The pack will take care of you Nicky, I love you so much," I told my boy hugging him gently to me and kissing his forehead. The baby made another gurgling type noise as I did and grabbed a stock of my hair pulling. I smiled and pulled his hand away gently as he made noises and continued to look around him. He was fascinated with this world.

"Take him to Dominic," I said and Edward nodded. Jeremy glanced at me and got up now too moving towards me. I hugged Nick once more and handed him back to Edward.

"Be careful out there Tonio and know your always welcome here," Edward said and I nodded as he left with Nick. I looked at my son longingly, I wanted to be the one holding him and carrying him around. I desperately wanted to teach him what I knew and to be his father but it was impossible right now.

"Tonio," Jeremy said as soon as they were gone. He reached for my hand but I pulled him into a hug instead clapping him on the back. Jeremy was never as affectionate as me but he could be if I initiated the contact first.

"Take care of yourself," I told him and he nodded as we pulled away from one another. I looked away so he wouldn't see the water in my eyes and I assume he did the same thing.

"Come back some day, I swear to God I will come and hunt you down if you don't," Jeremy said seriously. I nodded knowing he would. Before either of us could say anything more I turned and walked fast to the front door leaving my old life behind and continuing into the fog of my new one.

1 Year

"Dada, dada," Nick called as he unsteadily stood on his feet and held onto the coffee table for support before he fell on his butt. Nick was nothing if not determined, though, and as soon as he hit the floor he got onto his hands and knees and crawled towards me. I put the ledger book I was working on aside and waited to see what he would do.

"Ga," he said. Reaching my knee he pulled himself to an unsteady standing position and gestured to his juice bottle opening and closing his hand as he did so.

"Juice Nicky," I asked as he continued to motion. I knew I would get no answer so I picked him and the juice bottle up setting them on my lap. He grasped the bottle and sucked contentedly looking around him as he drank.

"He growing like a weed," Edward observed looking up from his study desk at myself and Nick. Nick eyes focused on the voice and he pointed towards Edward now smiling and gesturing.

"Booba," he said or he said something close to this. At 1 Nick was able to say dada, po for poppa and a few other words plus a lot of nonsensical words.

"Apparently I am booba now," Edward grinned. Jeremy laughed at us looking up from his book. I knew he was glad to have me home again. Wandering around and being a mutt just wasn't for me. I had tried to find myself in the wider supernatural world and only ended up getting more lost and longing for the home I had left. I had also found out turning into a mutt made me into someone I didn't like. I wasn't me and I liked being me even after all the trouble I had caused.

"Booba, I like it," Jeremy laughed looking at his grandfather. Edward smiled and rolled his eyes at us, a gesture he picked up from the younger pack members, and then went back to his work.

"Let's take Nick for a walk," Jeremy suggested. I nodded standing and picking Nick up. He threw the bottle to the couch now empty.

"Nicky, no," I laughed reaching down I picked up the cup and set it on the coffee table before we headed out. I set Nick on my hip and he grasped my shirt looking around and sticking his thumb in his mouth. We walked to the back door and slipped on our shoes. I held Nick while Jeremy slipped on Nick's baby shoes, his first pair bought for him by his Poppa Dominic. Once I had come back I had a lot to make up for and my father and I were still working through this slowly but surely. He was still convinced I was too young to be a father and he would do the majority of the raising of my son but someday we would get past that as well. At 18 I probably was too young to be a father but this was the way it was and I wouldn't shirk my responsibilities to Nick just because I was young.

"Go," Nick announced once the shoes were tied and we had stepped onto the porch. Nick wiggled in my grasp as we walked across the porch. Once we were on the grass and I set him down on his feet. I stood by him as he grasped my pant leg to steady himself and then walked forward. He took a few steps and then fell again hitting the grass. Undeterred he crawled through the short grass now grasping at the short stalks, flowers and bugs.

"So how is the relationship between you and Dom?" Jeremy asked getting to the heart of the matter without any kind of segway. That was Jeremy though, he figured why waste words when he could just get to the point.

"Things are getting back to normal and it helps that I am taking on more of the business responsibilities with the company and trying to do things his way," I answered as I watched Nicky crawl. The baby suddenly found a caterpillar on a leaf and watched it crawl across the foliage before gurgling and grabbing for it. He grasped the bug and watched it wiggle in his hand before bringing it to his mouth.

"No Nicky," I chuckled. I reached for the baby and scooping him up I took the caterpillar from him and threw it to the ground again. Nick now looked at his empty hand and then at me tears filling his big brown eyes.

"Wa," he asked. I assumed meaning why which surprised me. This was a new advancement to Nick's development asking why something would happen and wanting an answer but maybe I was seeing too much into it and not understanding what he really meant.

"You can't eat bugs, they aren't good for you," I explained to him as a tear slid down his cheek and his lips trembled.

"Awn, it's alright," Jeremy smiled patting my son's back. I pulled him to my shoulder and he began sucking his thumb again. I reached over and wiping the few tears from his face before continuing with our conversation and walked with Nicky who was staring to fall asleep. Someday things would alright between Dominic and I and he would realize that Nicky was worth all the hardship and trouble I had gone through and I had put him through as well.

2 Years

"Nicky, can you throw this in the garbage?" I asked my son as Jeremy and I cooked supper in the kitchen. Throwing away garbage was one of his favourite activates along with flushing the toilet, walking up and down stairs and opening doors when I lifted him up to do so. He liked to have clear cut tasks to do and took pleasure in helping me or his Poppa do things with the business such as brining us ledger books and scribbling nonsense lines or semi pictures in the book.

"Ok Tonio," he answered. He got up from the floor where he was colouring and walked over. Taking the garbage from me he walked to the floor cupboard with the garbage can inside and threw it in. Nick had been taught to call me dad and Antonio or Tonio to make our relationship in public a lot easier.

"Good job Nick," Jeremy told the boy who grinned and stood beside us looking up at the island counter for a new task.

"Daddy," Nick abruptly said walking back to his colouring book and picking it up so he could show us. Jeremy had bought it for him wanting some entertaining objects around the house for our visits which were frequent.

"Yes," I answered looking down at the toddler and the book. He was pointing to a picture of a kitten and looking at me imploringly.

"Want kitten," he announced. I abruptly wondered who told him that was a kitten; he was growing smarter by the day, but I shook it off to answer his question.

"No Nicky, you can't have a kitten," I answered. He looked at me oddly and then pointed again before asking his next question and looking confused.

"Why?" he asked and Jeremy chuckled as I answered him. I reached down and picked him up sitting him on the edge of the counter but I stayed in front of him so he would not fall.

"Because kittens wouldn't like us very much," I answered. I looking into his brown eyes and trying to figure out if he understood. In his gaze I saw he understood the word 'no' but not why he couldn't have what he wanted.

"Why?" he asked now. I looked at Jeremy whose lip twitched in a smile as he peeled a potato and then turned back to my son who was regarding me curiously and thoughtfully.

"Because we are werewolves and cats would sense that and not like us very much," I answered and then braced for the next question which was sure to come.

"What werewolves?" he asked. He had almost giving me a full sentence which was a nice development. Usually we didn't tell pack children about werewolves until they were 5 or 6 but I was going to try earlier with Nicky.

"Nicky, what is a werewolf?" I told him and he nodded repeating. He was used to being corrected and took pleasure in learning. I wondered if this would continue when he went to school but thought it probably wouldn't. No Sorrentino had ever liked school before so Nick probably would not be any different.

"A werewolf is what you are, it's what me and Jeremy and Poppa are too," I explained and he scrunched up his face thinking about this and getting ready to ask another question.

"Nicky, a werewolf means that you turn into a wolf once a week or whenever you want but not until you grow up," Jeremy answered. As he did so he picked up the animal colouring book and looked through it for the right picture. He found it and showed the picture of the wolf and her cubs to Nick. It was coloured over with multi coloured lines but was still recognizable.

"Why?" he asked again and I grinned. Nick had a continual arsenal of why questions always wanting to know more and how come. Any one of us had spent multiple afternoons answering Nicky's many questions.

"It is the way we are born. You were born with brown eyes and brown hair and that is just the way it is," I tried to explain but as always Jeremy could explain this better than me. I didn't remember being told about being a werewolf and I wasn't sure the best way to tell a toddler what he was but he did need to know and understand as soon as possible.

"Nick, we are born as werewolves so we can protect ourselves from the world," Jeremy explained and again Nick thought about this. I wasn't sure how much he understood or took in but he was processing some of it.

"Tonio, toddlers understand more then we give them credit for. I think Nick has the capacity to understand this to a certain degree," Jeremy informed me when he sensed what I was worried about. I was never sure how much he understood or took in from each conversation we had or activity we did.

"Nick a werewolf," Nick asked after a moment of silence. We both nodded as he pointed to himself. This was another new development, Nick recognizing himself and pointing to himself as well as being able to tell he could be something beyond his name like a boy or a werewolf. Again I am not quite sure he understood fully but he was taking it in anyway.

"Daddy and Jeremy werewolf too," he said and we nodded again and watched him as he processed this too.

"Yes, good job Nicky," I said swooping down and pulling my son into a hug. I swung him around the kitchen in a dance while he laughed and bounced with delight. This was one of his favourite games besides tossing a ball and spinning around in circles.

"Antonio he may understand that we are werewolves but that does not mean he understands what a werewolf is," Jeremy said. I stopped spinning him when he started to go pale. He grinned in spite of himself and looked from me to Jeremy now sticking his thumb in his mouth. It was a habit I would need to break him of soon but for now he could be content with it.

"That's for another time I guess," I told my best friend who looked at me with a piercing expression and then nodded. Jeremy was my best friend but I was Nick's father and I would decide what was right for him.

3 Years

"Antonio, I'm hungry," I heard as my sleep of fog cleared from my brain. I felt tiny hands on my chest and opened my eyes to see Nick sitting on my stomach looking down at me, giving me a sour look.

"You're hungry Nicky?" I asked and he nodded now brightening that he had gotten his way and woke me up. He was a boy after my own heart, a lover of food.

"Alright, why don't you go get dressed and daddy will make breakfast for you," I said through a yawn and started stretching my arms and chest. Nick rocked a bit but held on looking more pleased as this turned into a game for him.

"Pancakes daddy, I want pancakes," he demanded. I was about to reply when I heard Jeremy chuckle and we both looked over to see him sitting up tussle haired and wide eyed grinning at us.

"Well he's a Sorrentino for sure, he knows how to demand what he wants," Jeremy said. I chuckled along with him and then rolled my eyes at his comment. Jeremy and I had known one another for as long as I could remember so we often took jabs at one another's family traits.

"Go get dressed Nicky and then come to the kitchen," I told the boy. He nodded his agreement and I lifted him to the floor and then rolled out of bed myself heading for the washroom. Nick ran towards out dresser here which was filled with both of our clothes. I figured why pack when you came almost every weekend.

"I'll meet you downstairs," Jeremy called. I didn't answer but he knew I had heard, with my werewolf hearing I could hear vehicles on the freeway if I wanted to.

When I finished in the washroom I walked back into Jeremy's bedroom to see Nick had pulled a t-shirt over his head but it had gotten stuck halfway and he was dancing around struggling with the thing.

"Help me daddy," he cried as he spun in a circle and thudded to the floor in an unsuccessful attempt to dress. I laughed out loud and went to him. Picking him up I dusted him off and pulled the shirt up to release his head from the arm sleeve. I then adjusted it back over his head and he wiggled into it.

"I can do it now," Nick told me as I reached for his pants to start helping him. I wanted him to learn on his own but of course he still needed help in some areas.

"What do you say Nicky?" I asked my son who grinned up at me sheepishly.

"Thank you daddy," he said. We had been teaching him manners for quite some time now but his brain seemed to always skip ahead to the next task without thinking through what he needed to do with the first one. Hence he often forgot to say please and thank you.

"I think that deserves a hug and a kiss," I said to my son in a mock serious tone. He grinned and raced forward wrapping his arms around my neck. I hugged the small boy back and kissed his hair inhaling the smell of little boy and werewolf all in one.

Once I let Nick go I got dressed myself and headed downstairs where Jeremy had attempted to start making pancakes. All the ingredients were on the counter but he was concentrating on the cooking book in front of him; his face scrunched in concentration as I snuck up behind him and pounced. He was ready though and turned just in time catching me and we both tumbled to the floor laughing.

"Nice try," he chuckled as I got up and held out a hand for him. I was a bit shorter then Jeremy and was built more muscular while he was taller and leaner but Jeremy adapted quickly and we were often an equal match when he trained or played around.

"Daddy, I'm done," Nick called as he appeared in the doorway. We both turned to see Nick standing there with underwear over his jeans, one sock and one shoe on and a pyjama shirt over his t-shirt. Jeremy and I both laughed as Nick's face turned from shining excitement to moody and pouty.

"I did a good job," he protested and I smiled and nodded as he continued to look perturbed.

"Yes, you did a very good job Nick," I agreed and so did Jeremy. We always tried to encourage him in everything.

"Here, I'll help him get dressed again and you cook breakfast," Jeremy said and I agreed with this. As much fun as helping Nick get dressed could be, especially when he went through a stage where he wanted to wear girl clothes, Jeremy was better suited to the task because he couldn't cook anything, burn, yes cook, no.

"Nick, want to let me help you try again?" Jeremy asked crouching down to the toddler's level. Nick thought for a moment and then sighed crossing his arms in a very Dominic like expression and stance. It was all I could do to keep from laughing again.

"I guess but I still did an ok job," Nick protested and Jeremy agreed. Reaching for Nick he picked him up and strode from the room back to the bedroom as I shook my head at my son's antics.

Later in the day Jeremy and I were enjoying a brandy by the fire. It was a cold November morning and the house was a bit chilly despite the fireplace. Nick was riding his tricycle around the study in circles. It had been a birthday present but the weather outside didn't permit him riding so we let him do it inside for now.

"My tricycle is blue, the couch is green, the fire is red," he sang out. He had taken pleasure in making him own songs especially about colours and numbers lately and as long as he didn't shout when he sang he could feel to sing as much as he wanted.

"What colour am I?" Nick suddenly asked as Jeremy was opening his mouth to ask me a question. Nick stopped his bike at the head of the couch and looked at us.

"You're an olive colour," I answered. We got our skin colouring from the Italian family line especially since the male genes dominated the colouring and looks of a werewolf child.

"Jeremy isn't olive," Nick observed looking from me to him and demanding an answer to his latest question. In Nick's world everything had a place and a colour and had to be put into a specific category.

"No, Jeremy is more of a peach colour," I answered and Nick nodded satisfied to add this new development to his list of colours in his made up song.

"So Gregory is doing better I hear," Jeremy asked turning back to me as Nick wheeled away again making zooming noises and singing.

"Yeah, it's been 6 months so we're hoping he makes a full recovery but it doesn't seem likely. Jorge is pretty upset. I mean he lost his brother and almost his father so Dom has been spending a lot more time with him," I answered. My brother Gregory had lost his eldest son James in a mutt fight. When Gregory went to get revenge the mutt almost killed him as well. Werewolves did not tend to have long lives but James was only 18 which made it all the more tragic. Jorge was only 13 and finding it hard to cope with the new developments.

"Where's Booba?" Nick suddenly asked looking around and to us again. He stopped his bike on the opposite side of the room this time. I instantly looked over at Jeremy and saw pain flash through his eyes but his expression did not change. Nick, despite knowing Edward's name always insisted on calling him Booba his baby nick name for him and Edward never minded so we let it go.

"Nicky, we told you already. Booba got sick and he died," I explained again. The toddler scrunched up his face and thought. He was familiar with the concept of death but he didn't totally understand it. As a werewolf child he would understand it sooner than most human children.

"Oh, I miss him," he said with the absolute sincerity of a 3 year old. He looked sad for a moment and I scurried to find a way to cheer him up.

"I do too," Jeremy murmured. Edward had died a few months ago and Jeremy was still feeling the loss. Edward had been a father, brother and friend to Jeremy and Jeremy was still learning to cope on his own. All at once he had to grow up and take on household responsibilities, caring for Malcolm and living alone. Jeremy was only 18 and already he was taking on the responsibilities of a 30 year old. I set my hand on his in comfort and he nodded his thanks.

"What do you say we visit him this afternoon and pick some flowers for his grave?" I asked Nick who instantly cheered up and nodded taking off on his bike again. He had a clear cut task and he was happy once more.

"Thank you Tonio," Jeremy said softly so Nick couldn't hear as he raced around the room and then left out the door to use the hallway as a race track.

"Always," I smiled at my friend and squeezed his hand before letting go.

To Be Continued


End file.
